Day Three

If you swallow your tongue...
Do not hold onto your breath...continuing the charade, "one more day at a time", I thought, as I walked out my front door.  Waiting at the bus stop, my smokers instincts hounded towards a man reaping the sweet joy of a morning cig.  Strobe light, consciously I hesitated to pry the casket, temptation, "should I buy one?"  During sudden withdrawal , prayers pulse for the headache to go away.  I had refused pain medication.  Rising above any valley requires pain, for pain is part of every resolution.

No one said it would be easy, I thought,  while teeter-tottering on the whim of a daydream. I found myself staring silently...more than usual. Sound in my mind keep repeating static and my vision was out of phase.  The tragic dissonance of an addict, with cockroaches in an orchestra pit, chewing on the power of the brain.

When I tell you couldn't think, I mean...my words felt like peanut butter coated on bard wire.  I mean... I was seemingly lost inside my own mind. I mean...I was...I mean...I must have questioned my existence six maybe seven hundred times.  I mean...it was bad, you know.

Frustrated by time, I thought a lot about how Miles Davis quit heroine.  From what I heard he decided to quit for one reason or another, by rehabilitating himself through cold turkey.  So the story goes,  he went to his fathers farm, locked himself in a room, and told his dad to not let him out for anything.  He eventually kicked the cold, but I can't even imagine his pain.  So yeah, he's definitely one of my biggest inspirations.

However, I realized sudden withdrawals aren't shy by any means, making it another day nicotine free.  I owe a lot of it my amazing girlfriend and my best friends, without them I'd have been ashed out.  Spending time amongst loved ones is a smooth remedy for healing, just talking to people in general helped alleviate my temptation to smoke.

While pulling back the skin off my day, I commend myself for making it seventy-two hours nicotine free.    I steadily keep thinking, "one day at a time," just like my friends at gamblers anonymous told me.  Keep on rolling...now.